am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
