So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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