She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
