she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
