5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
the day after is always just damage control
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
