Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Sorry about my life...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize