It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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