Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
