omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize