im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
