dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
