hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
