I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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