Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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