everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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