dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
