I bet he comes in French.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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