I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
