I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Can I color on your dick again?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
