Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
