made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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