what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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