Your dad touched me again.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Come see our sink grown plant.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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