he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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