The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
