Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
