Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
