She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
