if you like me you must not know who I am
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
