take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
where are my eyebrows?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
