So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
