I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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