I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
