he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
