Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm too high and old for this...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
