I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
