Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
