halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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