Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
