when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
No subtext here. People are naked.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
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