brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
