She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Houston, we have a squirter
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
