took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
