he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
