Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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