I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
