remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
