Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
