the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
