I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
