guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
