No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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