She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
