my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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