all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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