it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
