I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
