But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
