For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
