tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
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