You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
