She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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