He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
