So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
you're hired as official boob wrangler
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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