it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
