it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
