this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Found your dick twin last night
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
