I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
