i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
