He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Randomize
