White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize