So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
