He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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