why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize