Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize