Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
not ubering you a puppy
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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