Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
