NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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