Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
