your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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