You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
